All too often we spend our lives trying to live up to the expectations of others while denying ourselves our own sense of self worth. Surely this is wrong? Were we really put on this planet to be puppets controlled by others or should we be living a life that’s happy and fulfilling?
By living the kind of life that suits us we’re actually doing more for others than if we live our lives on their terms. Ultimately, it’s more difficult to be around needy people will little sense of self worth than it is to be around those who know what they want and where they’re heading. Sure, there will always be those who would rather control us than enjoy watching us grown and thrive as independent individuals, but are they really the kind of people you want in your life?
In order to feel any sense of self worth, there are five points that must be fulfilled.
1. Don’t let others invalidate your feelings
How many times haven’t you been told to ‘lighten up’, ‘get a grip’, don’t look so miserable’, ‘stop being so emotional’ or similar words that invalidate your feelings? While this will never stop, simply because controlling personalities will always try to control us through our emotions, it’s important that you ignore their commands and accept that your feelings are your own to deal with as you see fit. If possible, avoid people who are intent on invalidating you.
2. Make Your Own Plan
For those who are too busy trying to please others than pleasing themselves, sailing through life without any plan or goal can appear to be the only real way of living. The truth is, those who value themselves also value their lives and therefore want to get the most out of it as possible.
Think about the things you’d like to achieve in your life, then think about the time you think it’ll take to achieve each of them. Your plan doesn’t have to consist of major life-changing achievements but also smaller, less important things like learning to knit or buying a bicycle.
Those who are used to having you live your life to please them will undoubtedly try telling you that you can’t change a plan once it’s made and that, if you do, you’re a loser who can’t stick with anything. That’s poppycock! Plans can and will be changed. Life isn’t rigid; unexpected events happen that demand we change our plans and any number of things can make us see things differently as we mature. As the late John Lennon said, life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.
3. Be Passionate About Your Life
There’s only one certainty in this life and that’s that you’ll one day die. How long you have before that happens is anybody’s guess but what you do with that time is entirely up to you.
Live your life to the full and believe that there’s never a better time to do anything than right now. Putting things off until another time is just a way of hiding behind our fears – either that or sheer laziness.
By being passionate about your life you’re showing that your believe in yourself and your value as a human being. Don’t let others talk you out of doing whatever you choose to. Listening to others tell you what they would do is of no value to you – it isn’t them who’s doing it, it’s you and only you can know what’s right for you.
4. Don’t Be Afraid of Failure
Fear of failure stops far too many people from ever trying anything new, especially when they’re surrounded by negative people who will tell them “it’ll never work” or “you’ll just be wasting your time”, or “you’ll live to regret it.”
Maybe it won’t work, but even if you don’t get the result you’d hoped for, you’ll be an experience richer and that certainly isn’t a waste of time or anything you’d need to regret.
Failure is part of living. If we succeeded in everything we did, life would become boring and predictable. Dare to take a risk and inject some excitement into you life.
5. Lighten Up
Don’t take life so seriously. Laughter really is a great medicine that releases endorphins (feel good chemicals), eases pain and boosts our immune system.
You may well find yourself being chastised for taking things lightly but because this is your life and you make your own choices, the opinions of others will no longer matter. Life is to be enjoyed so why not enjoy it?