What is a Dominant?

i’ve noticed that there is often an abundance of “what a submissive/slave is” but rarely do i see things about what a Dominant is. This is my late Master’s thoughts, as He wrote them down when i asked Him the question so many years ago….perhaps these thoughts can help another understand…

A Dominant is first and foremost someone who is responsible for themselves and has their own life under control. They have given much thought to their needs and desires. They have considered and understand the responsibility of their role and how it affects the life of those submissive to them.

A Dominant has a responsibility to provide a safe environment, mentally, physically and to a degree, financially if the dynamic they seek calls for their submissive to be at their complete service and out of the workforce. They should nurture an environment where trust grows and understand that their interactions directly correlate to the level of trust established.

A Dominant is responsible to nurture and encourage their submissive’s personal growth, help them to see the path around obstacles, encourage them to reach for their goals and assure them that they are capable of achieving them. They are responsible to help their submissive back up should they stumble and reassure them that as long as they continue to try, stumbling is not failure. They are responsible for recognizing their submissive’s achievements and providing feedback, praise and constructive criticism.

A Dominant has a good ear for listening and should become a best friend, confidante, mentor and guide to their submissive. They should have shoulders that are available and arms that are safe. They should be open and receptive and provide an environment that encourages honest communication. They should be open-minded and non-judgmental. They should be considerate of their submissive’s feelings.

A Dominant should base their decisions regarding their submissive on what is in the best interest of that submissive. They should be just as willing to say “no” as they are to say “yes” if that is what is ultimately
best for that submissive. They should understand and be respectful of that submissive’s limitations, be it physical or emotional. They should never place their submissive in a position that could cause them harm in any way.

A Dominant should understand the need of the submissive to please and they should provide and allow for circumstances for that submissive to meet that need. They should see the efforts of their submissive to do so and make sure that their submissive is given clear feedback on a job well done. They should not take their submissive’s service to them for granted. They should also provide specifics on what pleases them or the manner in which they would like to see certain things done if they have such preferences. They cannot expect their submissive to read their mind and just know what they find pleasing.

A Dominant is responsible for providing structure. The rules have to be made clear and concise and it is the responsibility of the Dominant to convey to their submissive; what their expectations of them are. It is also the responsibility of the Dominant to provide discipline when there are clear instances of misconduct or failure to meet those expectations without valid reason. A Dominant is responsible to assure that discipline and punishment is thought out and that there is something to be learned from it….and also that it is not carried out in anger. It must be conveyed to the submissive that they are still loved and that their punishment is born of love and a desire for them to grow as a result of their mistakes.

A Dominant should be able to love and cherish his submissive and be emotionally open enough to convey that to his submissive. They must understand that their submissive needs to feel loved, cherished and needed and they should make a conscious effort to be certain that those needs are met and that their submissive understands their worth and value in the relationship.

A Dominant is responsible to learn his submissive, the way that their thought processes work, how they internalize things, their past baggage and how it possibly relates to their present. They are responsible to learn their reactions and mannerisms; so that they can better assess what the capabilities of their submissive are; emotional and physical. It is the Dominant’s responsibility to pry open the mind and soul of their submissive and they should come to know their submissive inside and out.

A Dominant is responsible to see to it that their submissive is taking care of their personal health and encourage them to participate in a healthful lifestyle. It is also the responsibility of the Dominant to care for the submissive in times of illness to the best of their ability and not allow their submissive to neglect her health and well-being at those times in order to maintain the normal routines and chores.

A Dominant is responsible to see to it that the submissive is meeting their sexual needs. They should be very clear in their expectations of the submissive. They are also responsible to see to it that the sexual needs of the submissive are being met. They should encourage very open communication of their fantasies and specific needs and they should also be willing to express to the submissive their own fantasies and needs. They should instruct the submissive in the precise ways that they enjoy. They are especially responsible for the physical and emotional safety of their submissive during BDSM play. They should learn their submissive’s body and their reactions to stimuli. They should be very in-tune to where their submissive is mentally and physically during a scene. They should provide required aftercare based upon the individual submissive’s needs and be certain that their submissive does not participate in activities that could cause them harm until they are fully coherent.

These thoughts are not “rules” but perhaps guidelines for a new Dominant or a Dominant looking for new ways to look at things.

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